Life (and Emotions) After a Surrogate Birth

A surrogate mother has just delivered her surrogate baby, what is she going to do next? Is she  going to Disneyland? Is she touring Napa Valley?  Chances are this woman will simply jump back into the routine of her life with her own spouse and her own kids while possibly experiencing post- partum mood swings. Our surrogacy agency, Shared Conception, loves reading all the emails and letters about successful surrogate birth stories, however, some of these writings  share a common yet realistic  theme: it is not all happy all the time--these women  are uplifting and inspirational  most of the time, but some of these surrogates can get depressed immediately after giving  birth.

These emotions may even  be compared with being involved in a play, where a person rehearses for weeks and even months.  The person immerses herself  in her chosen role and as the time for opening night comes closer and closer, the person’s life tends to become more and more focused on this great event. Then, after this wonderful shining moment passes and everything goes off perfectly....then what?  And? It's over.  Just like that, the preparation, execution and high points are achieved and after a high, there has to be a low, or a let-down.  It's nearly the same with any surrogacy arrangement: a surrogate  dedicates approximately  a year to helping the intended mother experience something she can never personally fully experience. However after that moment,  what happens?

The surrogate mothers, who candidly describe their emotions, usually talk about feeling completely elated one moment and devastated shortly afterwards, because their participant in this amazing experience  is finished. And in most cases it is not the baby they miss – it is either
-the surrogacy itself, or .
-the intended parents, or
-the “specialness” of being pregnant, or
-the hormones of being on a high.

These emotions and reactions are usually considered to be completely normal, its just not openly discussed. Any potential surrogate should be aware that she isn't the the only surrogate mother who has ever cried when the baby left the hospital with his or her new parents, or when she says goodbye to her intended parents.

For the intended parents, who have been trying  to have a child of their own for years, and who finally had to turn to surrogacy, or even just the intended parents, who came to surrogacy from the very beginning of their journey as a way to conceive – the end of the surrogacy is not considered to be an end at all. It is merely the beginning of their dreams.  As you enjoy and adjust to your new baby, remember your surrogate with a grateful heart and a gentle smile. If you can, stay in touch with your surrogate, she will ENJOY seeing sporadic or consistent pictures or maybe visiting --however you are comfortable with sharing your baby. Shared Conception is compassionately here to help both the intended parents and the surrogate work through their emotions. 

            

 

1 comment (Add your own)

1. Anonymous wrote:
This hit the nail on the head perfectly! We as surrogates put not only our body into this wonderful journey, but also our hearts and souls! I went over in my head time and time again how the birth would go and the discharge. Yet the night before we were set to go home, it hit me ... It's over! Emotions and hormones were all over the place. Will they still talk to me? Will we still have a great relationship? And the kids? Will I get to see how much they are loved? Thankfully, Shared Conceptions is great in helping us with our ups and downs. Think about your surrogate as you enjoy you baby(ies) and know she will always have not only the baby in her heart but you as well!

Fri, March 13, 2015 @ 1:23 PM

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